“Many times I’ve been alone. And many times I’ve cried. Anyway, you’ll never know the many ways I’ve tried But still they lead me back to the long and winding road.”-Paul McCartney & Wings
No offense to Sir Paul who was talking about a lover I find this song to be a battle cry for my weight loss journey. I realized this morning that it has been nearly two years since I said enough was enough and I started (on my own) to get my sh!t together. Sainted Mary has been in my life for 18 months. When you are in the day to day fight to not put something yummy into the hole under your nose or trying to motivate yourself to go workout when it’s 100+ degrees with 80%+ humidity it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Until, that is you actually sit back and look at pictures. The picture on the right was taken in Fall 2013 at my brothers wedding. That dress has long ago made its way to someone else’s closet.
I wish I could say that after two years everything was easy. Ha! Um, no. There is no magic pill. There are days that I’m literally dragging my inner monologue kicking and screaming into my workout much like a petulant elementary school child who doesn’t want to go to school. BUT I DON’T WANNA GO….. Then there are days where I’m actually excited and looking forward to my workouts. Ok, if I were to be 100% honest those are my running or cycling days I still haven’t gotten to the point where I say “YAY! CrossFit!!!” (I’m working on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s good for me and good for my running. It’s like vegetables, gotta eat ’em.)
There are days that I forget just how far I’ve come. Especially when I’m playing with the “big kids”. See, the “big kids” run faster/further, lift more, etc. I want to be a big kid. I want to run faster, run further, lift more. Then, every once in a while, a friend says something poignant that makes me realize that I am playing with the big kids. Recently that came in the form of GardnerGirl saying, “You are a beast.” I certainly don’t feel like a beast, especially when I have friends that are out running 50+ mile races or are competing (and winning) CrossFit competitions. That’s when I realize that I have these friends. Three years ago those people did not exist in my life. Heck, two years ago those people didn’t exist in my life (well, except TheSaraD and that’s because we rode horses together). These people have become my new role models. I’m thankful and grateful that these people have allowed me into their inner circle, encourage me, and don’t let me beat myself up when I’m barely keeping up, if I’m keeping up at all. My inner sloth whimpers.
Most days I don’t realize just how much my body has changed. I am still me. I’m still the goofy, snarky, girl that I’ve always been. Then I do something like turn down a food that I love because I don’t have any of the exchanges for it; put on a size that never in my wildest dreams I’d ever fit into and my head hurts; or I’ll see a picture of myself and I’m stunned. Who is this person??? I’m still a work in progress, but this long and winding road has led me here. I still have a few more pounds I want to loose. I still have a lot of muscle that I’d like to put on. I still have goals. This long and winding road will be the rest of my life, but I’m very curious to see what’s around the next corner. Just please don’t be a bear……