I work with my nutritionist every two weeks to lay out my exercise plan and my calorie expenditures. Trying to loose weight while training for the half marathon is tricky. Cut too many calories and I break, keep too many calories and the scale doesn’t move. Layer on top a history of an eating disorder and you have a maltov cocktail. Mary has been a godsend and a saint. She’s really been trying to keep me from getting hyperfocused, and just keeping me healthy.
This weekend is suppose to be my 2nd 10 mile run. Thanks to the less than cooperative mid-Atlantic weather my trail race got cancelled due to 4-6″ of snow/ice on the trails. Ok, breathe, not a big deal, I said to myself. I could always run it on my own, again. I saw that it was going to be sunny and 47. Super! I could still burn the projected calories. The calories……
Well, as the week went on I got more and more tired. As in the please don’t make me get out of bed kind of tired; which, is very uncustomary for me, the perennial chipper morning person. I still was making plans to do the run. I had to run. I budgeted the calories to do the run. The calories….
Friday morning I woke up with no go. I decided then and there I would sacrifice the calories I budgeted for a barre class and went ahead and cancelled it. Having an extra rest day (over the two I already had) sounded like a good idea. Plus, I had done an extra yoga class last weekend we hadn’t budgeted for so it came out as a wash.
Saturday rolled around and I laugh; some rest day. Almost 2 hours at the dog park in 30 degree temperatures, grocery shopping, and a Target run didn’t leave for much “rest”. When I finally sat down I realized just how tired I was. Even taking a nap sounded like too much work. Even eating didn’t sound like fun. I know, cue the shocked looks now.
Now even the weather is conspiring against me. What was suppose to be a sunny 47 degree day has now be predicted for a major snow/ice/freezing rain storm with a high of 28. Ok, so let me get this straight, I’m dog tired, no go in the tank and a storm is coming. Even if I had the go to, well, go, the roads are going to be as slick as toad snot. Meanwhile, all I keep hearing in my head is the calories….
I’m trying NOT to be hyper-focused on the calories but I just can’t seem to help myself. The scale didn’t move last week (but the measurements did) which only further emphasizes my need to burn the calories. I know that I need to rest. I know that I probably should rest. I just feel so incredibly guilty taking the bye, but I feel like I’ve hit a wall. The Wall vs. The Calories. I don’t see this being the next blockbuster film. I just hope that it is a temporary glitch, and with a little rest I will be back to my normal self. I just hope that the calories don’t come back to bite me in the ass quite literally.