Finding my inner strength

“You need motivation and you need inspiration to keep going”– Jessie, Biggest Looser

I don’t normally watch The Biggest Looser, but in an effort to not break myself by doing too much I have been slowly making my way through this season.  When Jessie said this particular little nugget it stopped me in my tracks.  Huh, I never thought about it that way.

As I’ve been going through this journey I’ve been vacillating between motivation and inspiration never seeming able to get both simultaneously.  I’m not necessarily sure if you should have both simultaneously or not.  I would love to ask him for clarification.  I pushing along regardless, but I am not mindful of the need for both.

Motivation is a bit easier to find.  I have built a fail safe into my system.  I like to call it fiduciary incentivized running. If I pay for a race I will run the race.  If I will run the race that means I have to train for the race.  That plain, that simple.  I have spaced my races out enough to ensure that I continue to train and continue to push.  However, they are also spaced out enough to ensure that I (hopefully) don’t get hurt.

Inspiration is more challenging for me to find.  While, yes, I could look to other people and other people’s struggles it doesn’t stick.  It’s not internal.  It’s not MY inspiration it’s not MY story.  This week, however, it has been easy to find inspiration.  Why?  I quite literally ran out of my pants.  I was on the treadmill and my running pants were sliding down my ass.  Why?  I have now lost enough inches that even though my pants are the Under Armour capris my waist was now smaller than the pants and they were now slipping down to where they would catch, which was half way down my ass.  At the time it was a pain as every 10 steps I ran on the treadmill I had to yank my pants back up.  I grumbled all the way through the run.  Run, run, pull, run, run, pull.

Then I got done and it hit me.  I was smaller than my pants.  Huh.  I’ve shrunk one size.  It’s not enough, I need to keep going, but I was a size smaller.  I went home and ordered more pants.  Then my wallet screamed at me, but I was a size smaller so I tried to ignore the whimpering that was coming from my wallet.  I’ll call that this weeks inspiration.  Now, to work my ass off to go down another size. Yes, this isn’t going to be the cheapest way to get inspiration but it is still inspiration.  Between that and the scale, for now, that is where I shall find it.

I am a fighter.  I will push forward.  I will be a Shamrock 2015 finisher with less weight on me than when I did Diva’s.


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