You may be asking yourself what the heck is a ‘collywabble’. Welcome to the world of my Dad’s vocabulary. My Dad has this wonderful ability to take words and make them mean something completely different. For example ‘to scrounge’. If you look up scrounge in the dictionary it means “to borrow (a small amount or item) with no intention of repaying or returning it.” In Dad language it means to be awake and in bed, but not getting up. This leads me back to ‘collywabble’.
I wrote to Dad this week telling him out anxious I was about this trip. How I’ve got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about it. My Dad’s reply; “so maybe you need to listen to your tummy, then sit and think of all the things aout the trip, maybe a trip in shorter places, or maybe you just have the collywabbles because you have never done this sort of thing before,any way think about it ,, and then do what ever;you come up with,meanoldad”
As utilized in this sentence a collywabble encompasses all of the anxiety, nervousness, and outright terror I am developing out this trip. Maybe it’s because I’ve never taken this much time off. Maybe it’s because I’m going alone. Maybe it’s because I am doing something completely out of my normal every day routine. Who knows. What I do know is that Dad is trying to get me to assess myself. Also implied in this email is a swift kick in the ass and being told to stop allowing the anxiety to take over. Dad’s are good at that sort of thing.
Regardless, I’m going. I’ve started pulling together all of the stuff I’m going to need for the trip. My kitchen and dining room look like a bomb has gone in them. I’m trying to make myself as organized as I can so that I don’t loose my mind with the chaos. Granted, I’ll pack it all and then unpack it all and repack it all just to deal with my anxiety, but I do that before every trip not just this trip, so at least there is that for comfort. As my dear sweet Amy R. pointed out to me; “you aren’t going to a third world country or out to sea, there are stores out there.” Touche. I am so accustomed to needing to be a turtle and carry everything I would need. I just keep repeating to myself, “they have stores, they have stores, they have stores.”
With my departure date coming so quickly I know that I’m going to be overtaken by the collywabbles. . His swift kick in the ass is exactly what I needed to attempt to control my anxiety. I just keep remembering that I am not doing this trip for me. I am doing this trip for him, and that means that I need to get my shit together. Easier said than done. If anyone needs me I’ll be making yet another check list to ensure I am not forgetting anything!